The following are oaths that should be
taken at the begining of the party. Chase it with a shot for optimum
For the Ladies:
I, (state your name) do solemnly
swear that as a woman of the world I will respect and honor my sisters.
I will not reveal the secrets of the
evening. I understand that violating this treatment will spread bad
karma upon my being and may result in increased bloating and
cramping. If asked about the happenings of the evening I shall
"Oh, you know, girl stuff, like
opening presents and decorating the party with streamers. The brides
grandmother was there"
For the Men:
I (state your name) do solemnly
swear that as a gentleman of the world I will respect and honor my brothers.
I will not reveal the secrets of the evening. In
taking this oath I understand that violating it will result in
punishment that could include castration by way of a dirty, dull,
knife. If asked about the happenings of the evening I shall
"We ate pizza and watched porno
movies. The groom got really drunk. His grandfather was
It is that simple. We realize
total silence is impossible, so a boring alibi is best. Mentioning
the presence of someone older usually results in the assumption that
they tempered the fun.