This section includes some tips on how to get the most from a
stripper. The guide is color coded.
Blue is primary for the
Pink is primarily for the
Green is a go for
Red is not really
- Plan Ahead - As
with anything, you've got to remember the 6-P principle: Proper
Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance. Things to plan include:
- Will the stripper come to you or will you go to them?
- Do you have an adequate location?
- Do you have adequate transportation?
- What exactly do you want to see? Please don't let the law
cloud your judgement here. Breaking the law at a
bachelor/bachelorette party is par for the course.
- Shop And Ask
is always someone who knows more than they should about strippers.
Find out which of your friends has spent too many singles lately
and find out what they know. Be warned, strip clubs change
personnel rapidly. A club that had the best strippers last year
could be struggling now. The same is true for home stripper
- Be Demanding On The
The time to negotiate is on the
phone. When the stripper has arrived and forty of your drunk
friends are inside you won't be in a position to negotiate. The
time to negotiate is when you are speaking on the phone and trying
to arrange for a stripper. At this stage if they don't agree to
your proposal you can always call another place. Be tough on the
- It isn't a bad idea to look at
what you are ordering. It might require a visit to the stripper's
agency, but it might be worth it. After all who doesn't want to
spend five minutes looking at hot bods in bathing
- Get Something In
Writing- An agreement is writing
is all you will have if the stripper doesn't arrive, is four hours
late, doesn't perform, etc. Remember, you are dealing with
questionable folks here. If they were reliable, responsible folks
they would have a real job.
- The stripper is late: How
punctual can a person that does THIS for a living be? Any more
than an hour late is a buzz kill. (it might be a good idea to
schedule the stripper to be done in time to hit the strip
- Bad seats at the strip bar:
Call ahead to get better seats and a break on admission. The
time to negotiate is not standing at the door. What are you
going to do, leave?
- Ugly stripper. Some of them
are really ugly. The more remote your location the uglier they
will probably be. Not everyone is willing to take off their
clothes for money.
- Boring show. Make sure
something funny is going to happen. Most strippers have a
"hook". It could be the pizza guy thing or the part where the
groom drinks tequilla from her navel. Make sure it is something
good. I saw a show once where the stripper (really kind of a
dominatrix) handcuffed the groom and dressed him up with her
lipstick. "Isn't he pretty" she screamed. It was
- Bride or Groom is not the center
of attention. Make sure the stripper knows who the guest of
- The law doesn't allow anything
fun: This is a problem. It is not unsolvable however, you
just have to do some more work. Find someone that knows someone
that can get the real thing. Find out which strip clubs are
breaking the law these days. I'm sure one of them
- No Sober Form Of
Transportation: This can be a common occurence. The D.D.
has a few too many. Ouch. Pick your D.D. carefully.
- You bought stripper drinks all
night, paid for ten lap dances and the stripper does not go
home with you: You are an idiot. Give up now.
- Licking Lesbians Might Not
Cut It - I have a friend that
judges a bachelor party by how kinky things get. Actually, every
guy I know judges a bachelor party this way. If you want kink,
you've got to agree to it up front. Make sure the stripper(s) will
bring their own equipment and try to get an agreement that they
will use it. Otherwise you might pay for Lesbians and get two
girls hugging. Like Larry Says "If I see one more Lesbian show
without a double-@!(@* I'm going to puke".
- You Might Not Like What Is
Under That Thong
- Male strippers generally "tie
it off" or use a cock ring to maintain their erection. Let's face
it, dancing in front of a crowd of drunk women isn't a turn on
after the first three times. So you might not want to see the
device that was necessary.
- A Fiver Isn't Worth Five
Singles - The stripper can't tell
the difference between a five and a single from two feet away.
Besides, five bucks isn't going to get you anything. See the
idiots a the end of the bar, they are plopping down twenties and
fifties and when the night is over they will be just as lonely as
- Keep the money close to
home - Don't throw money at the
stripper. That is a waste. Get them to sing for their supper baby!
- Put a rolled up single behind your
- Put a buck in your back pocket and
scream "Grab it if you want it!".
- Put a rolled up single in your
- No Cash
- The biggest scam going is for
strip clubs to give you a cash advance on your credit card. Of
course there is a surcharge. Sometimes I hear it is upwards of
five bucks. There is nothing like making budgeting decisions with
a strippers butt in your face. Decide how much bread you are
bringing and stick to it. Hide an extra twenty bucks in your shoe.
Your friends will think you are terrific when, after you close the
last bar you can buy everyone grilled cheese sandwiches at the all
- Lap Dances Should Be Done
- That way you can lie about what
happened. Afterall, who wants to say that you wasted 20 bucks and
all you got was a quick feel. It is much better to tell your
friends some lewd tales the next day.
- Learn The Real Rules By
Watching Guys With Tattoos - Any
strip club has regulars, they know what you can touch. They have
tattos. They sit near the stage. Watch them.
You might want to think twice about this. Even if you have thought
that it might be exciting, have you considered these
- Your friends will either be disgusted
or will be pounding on the door to be next.
- You may not be the first that night.
Heck, you might not even be in the first ten.
- You are one condoms thickness away
from a venerial disease.
- They are faking.
- You really aren't that
- Tattoos or No
I once commented that I didn't like strippers with tattoos. One of
my friends said that he did. We had a little discussion. Another
friend pointed out that if you look around the strip bar the guys
spending all the money have tattoos and they like tattoos. I guess
strippers with tattoos just know their target audience a little
- Any place cute enough to call
it a strip o gram, isn't cool enough to show anything hot. Do you
really want to shell out a couple of hundred bucks and then not
see any genitalia?
When telling the story to your
girlfriend or boyfriend always do two things:
- Add one item of clothing to the
minimum that the stripper had on. If they were nude, say they
had on a thong, if they had a thong say it was underwear. If
they wore underwear, shoot yourself, you are an
- Always leave out the raunchiest part
and emphasize the cutest. Don't talk about the part where the
lesbians had sex with each other. Talk about how Bob was so
drunk he fell asleep before the stripper arrived.
- You spent 10 dollars in singles.
Everyone knows ten bucks can't buy enough to get you in
- What is it With The Body
Guard Guy- If he is a little guy,
they say he has a gun. If he is a big guy he doesn't need one. I
never figured I'd test them. Be my guest though. Let me know how
it goes (if you survive).
- Avoid Upselling
buy the strippers anything. This is called "upselling". It is the
act of getting customers that have entered the club to spend more
than they expect. First it was admission, then a six dollar beer,
will you continue with a ten dollar lap dance, a twenty dollar
private dance, buy the stripper a drink (for ten bucks), One
hundred might get you into a shower with two strippers (hmmm,
maybe upselling isn't too bad).
- Be Wary of Pay-In-Advance
these people were honest in business they wouldn't be exploiting
people. If the stripper didn't have a cocaine problem they
wouldn't be dancing for a living. Scum bags and coke-heads aren't
the kind of people you should trust to make good on a promise. If
you have to pay 1/2 in advance do so. Don't expect much if you pay
everything up front.
- If you are the groom, don't
wear underwear- Everyone has seen the
stage show where the stripper takes off the grooms pants to writer
her name on his underwear. We have also seen the group of
strippers give the groom a wedgie. How about when the strippers
tear the wasteband off his tighty whities. Give everyone a show,
leave the underwear behind.